In a review of the past decade, it would be easy to conclude that the first 10 years of the new millennium ushered in an era when the movie musical finally made a resurgence.

Moulin Rouge, Rent, Chicago, Dreamgirls, Hairspray, Mamma Mia!, Phantom of the Opera and Nine have all hit the big screen. And that’s not taking into account the immense popularity of High School Musical and the all-singing, all-dancing Disney offshoots.

Except I think I’d have been a lot happier if these movie musicals had been…well…you know…good. I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy them. I do think, however, even the very best of the batch could have been a hell of a lot better.

Hairspray I adored. It showed off Zac Efron’s knack for light comedy, and Queen Latifah was amazing. But what was John Travolta’s accent supposed to be? And did anyone in the production team notice that the freedom march across town ran from dawn till dark over the course of one single song, making it the Longest Freedom March In The World Ever?

Rent would have been fabulous with its original cast ten years prior. As it was, it looked tired and old, with the luminous Rosario Dawson making her co-stars look haggard.

Then Dreamgirls – what the hell was it? A biopic or a musical? It didn’t know, and you couldn’t tell. However, it had the plus point of fabulous vocals from Beyonce and Jennifer Hudson. You don’t even get that redeeming feature in some of the others.

Gerard Butler admitted prior to the release of Phantom that he couldn’t sing, but apparently Andrew Lloyd Webber didn’t care about that. Nor did the Chicago producers, who cast Renee Zellweger as Roxie. Her vocals were adequate in their capacity to hold a tune, but put to shame by Catherine Zeta Jones, whose musical theatre training was evident.

The same problem reared its ugly head in Nine, where poor miming combined with what sounds like autotune made the soundtrack a painful listening experience. Even Judi Dench, with her proud musicals history, ended up Rex Harrisoning her way through her number. I never thought I’d have selected Fergie as the stand-out singer from that particular cast, but she was – she had power, dynamics and emotion, rather than the feeble, vaguely melodic whispers emanating from everyone else.

So if the remakes of My Fair Lady and Carousel ever come about – as well as the adaptations of Les Mis and Miss Saigon – my wish would be for them to be directed by somebody who understands the artform of the musical. After that, the casting jigsaw, requiring the leads to be able to sing WELL, should just fall into place.

Frankly, the Love Never Dies launch was one of the biggest let downs of my musical theatre-loving career – right up there with the fact that Austentatious STILL hasn’t got a transfer, the monstrosity that was Will Baker’s Rent: Remixed, and the entirety of 9 to 5.

Andrew Lloyd Webber, Sierra Boggess and Ramin Karimloo at the launch of Love Never Dies

First there was a video montage that made me blush with its Daily Express-like crass capitalisation on the fact that Princess Diana saw Phantom of the Opera and now she is dead. Then Lord Lloyd Webber took to the stage to tell a jolly little tale about the new show’s genesis. Basically he was quite rightly informed that the original’s conclusion is rather unsatisfactory, because our heroine ends up with a dull husband (who is also irritating, as we established last week) and the Phantom just disappears. And it took Ben Elton to tell him that the show should focus on the characters we already know, rather than introducing new ones.

Anyone with an interest in musical theatre will have known for months that Ramin Karimloo and Sierra Boggess are the principals in Love Never Dies, so it was hardly a surprise when they walked on and Karimloo performed one of the songs from the new score while Boggess sat on a big golden chair. It was more of a surprise when Lloyd Webber applauded Karimloo, and then announced, “Right, I think that’s it,” and dragged his two stars off stage. The disappointment in the theatre was overwhelming – not just from hacks wanting a story, but from the dedicated Phans who’d been specially invited and didn’t learn anything they hadn’t already known.

So what could they have done to make this launch more spectacular?

Announcing the rest of the cast. Obvious, but a goodie. Summer Strallen was later revealed as Meg Giry, but that’s another bit of news that’s been widely rumoured for months. And the fun of new casts is quite often in spotting up-and-comers and speculating on understudies.

Scale models of the set. Although as they didn’t announce it was to be staged at the Adelphi until later, they might have overlooked this one. Part of Phantom’s charm is in the set and lighting – it would be fascinating to know how they intend to portray Coney Island. I have a horrid feeling that it may be through projections, just as Lloyd Webber did to little effect with The Woman In White.

Get Boggess to sing. You’ve got the girl here, and London critics and audiences are unlikely to have seen her in action before. It’s a total waste of her time and talent sticking her in a gold lame frock and making her simper at Ramin Karimloo.

Magic tricks. Paul Daniels is apparently not involved in the new production, and I suspect it will be all the worse for that. Who, after all, does not thrill to their soul when they read in the Phantom programme, “Magic consultant: Paul Daniels”? He could have sawed Boggess in half or something while she was waiting around, at least.

Drop the chandelier, once and for all. All those critics who are sniffy about musicals but still turn up if there’s a freebie on offer? Sit them in the firing line. Then cut the cord.

Here is what I have to say this week.

Why do we need a remake of Fame? Kevin Tancharoen’s remake of Alan Parker’s 1980 original hits cinemas on September 25th, and I shall be interested to note the ways in which it improves or adds to the highly enjoyable original.

And Baz Bamingboye’s been talking again this week about Keira Knightley’s possible starring role in a remake of My Fair Lady, the beautiful, glorious Oscar-winning masterpiece which starred Audrey Hepburn, Rex Harrison and the disembodied voice of Marni Nixon. How will this new version improve on a film that won the Academy Award for Best Picture? It’s intriguing.

Don’t think that I’m against remakes altogether, though. There are some musicals that have made it to the silver screen and ought to be done again — and done properly this time. Here are my suggestions for musicals that genuinely need a reimagining on film…

Rent
My main issue with this one was the sentimental decision to bring back most of the original Broadway cast, despite the fact they looked 15 years older than the characters they were playing (and the younger actresses, Rosario Dawson and Tracie Thoms, replacing the two who had the sense not to sign on for it). But there were other problems with it too — introducing themes and characters just a touch out of the order that would have made most sense; the jarring use of flashback and dream sequences; and some bizarre choices with orchestration. Still, on the plus side, it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as Rent: Remixed.

Hello, Dolly!
I probably wouldn’t even have thought about this film had it not been for the wonderful revival at the Open Air theatre this summer, but for all Barbra Streisand’s many talents, she’s woefully miscast in this, simply because she’s 27 and not the meddling middle-aged matron required by the script. Her singing “Look at the old gal now, fellas!” is just risible. Still, an older woman carrying a film would never do in Hollywood, would it?

A Chorus Line
I’m still not sure whether this will ever work on screen, but another attempt is surely overdue, if only to wipe from our memories Alyson Reed’s terrible wig in the Let Me Dance For You flashback sequence. The songs omitted from Richard Attenborough’s original attempt, including The Music And The Mirror, Sing!, and Hello 12, Hello 13, should be reinstated (and while we’re at it, Surprise Surprise should be taken out and lost forever); and the big chunks of script that actually made us care about the characters need to be rediscovered. The only problem with replacing the 1985 original film would be that the famous closing shot of the gold-clad dancers, where one hoofer crashes to the ground and promptly gets back up hoping nobody has noticed, would be lost in the mists of time.

Even films that I’ve loved might still be worth revisiting — I’m also thinking that a version of Cabaret that has more of the stage show’s songs (and a Sally Bowles that isn’t as supreme a performer as Liza Minnelli) might be worth a stab; and a version of Chicago that doesn’t use the dream sequence cop-out for the musical numbers could be interesting.

Any more suggestions?

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Good old Denise has never really been able to keep her opinions to herself, this time she attacked ITV and more specifically Grease Is The Word.

Denise believes that ITV were more interested in ratings than “nurturing talent” for the West End and that they did not provide appropriate care for unsuccessful contestants.

Fair enough Grease is the Word had a few minor (when I say minor I mean MINOR) celebrities in the competition but I don’t think that is worthy of the ‘nurturing talent’ comment. Yes compared to Any Dream Will Do, Grease Is The Word did look very cheesy, tacky and geared for ratings – BUT they are both reality TV talent shows, if one choses to play on it’s genre to get ratings so be it. After all it’s the people at home who are going to go and watch the musical so why not grab as many fans as you can, besides I think everyone deserves a fair crack at the whip, Z-list celebrity or not!

As for the ‘care comment’ – who knows, I do hope that all unsuccessful contestants have some sort of support – from ITV, family or friends

One has to wonder though, Denise is now staring in RENT at the Duke OF Yorks Theatre and may be appearing as a judge in Webber’s possible new talent show to find the lead for “My Fair Lady” – PUBLICITY… ANYONE?

Fans of Denise Van Outen listen up – she is returning to the West End on October 16th 2007! For those of you that have been waiting for this joyous day, calm down and wait for the best bit, she will be treading the boards as Maureen in the new production of Rent at the Duke of York’s theatre… Too much excitement for one blog maybe, but i don’t know when to stop.

Fans of Rent will be delighted to hear that it is returning to the nation’s capital and fans of Denise Van Outen will be doubly excited. So if you are both then this has got to be the best news ever.

Denise Van Outen has performed on stage since childhood going from Les Miserables and A Midsummer Night’s Dream to a starring role as Roxie Hart in 2001’s Chicago production. In between this she has consistently worked on TV and in film earning great praise with her feisty, fun girl attitude as a presenter on Channel 4’s Big Breakfast.

Most recently she has been seen both sides of the Atlantic on the musical reality shows Any Dream Will Do (UK) and Grease: You’re the One that I Want (USA).

Take a look of the video i found on youtube showing Ms Van Outen singing with Andy Williams, you can be sure to see a more gritty performance when Rent opens in October!